the little things.

• smiling at strangers-they almost always smile back. for all you know, that could be the first time they've smiled all day.
• sharp pencils.
• green grass.
• hand-written letters.
• when someone says "you made my day."-it makes my day.
• that moment when you realize it's friday.-then the tacky song pops into your head, just admit it.
• last-minute plans that end up being some of your favorite memories.
• when someone cute calls you cute.
• doing things you used to do as a kid.
• songs you can relate to.
• when you finally understand something.
• going places with your best friend.
• successful photoshoots-they can make or beak my day.
• when he messages your first.-when you read that, what was the first name that popped into your head?
• realizing you had nothing to worry about.
• when little kids look up to you.
• cherry coke from sonic.
• the smell of cookies.
• chipped nail polish.
• feeling pretty - a rare, but amazing feeling.
• fashion magazines.
• beautiful photographs - I could look through them for hours.
• using big words.
• the color blue.
• being impulsive. - most of the time, at least.
• dresses.
• being told that you inspire someone.
• when people go out of their way to be kind.
• talking to people about things they are passionate about.
• books that you can't put down.
• hearing your favorite song on the radio.
• talking to strangers.
• being there for someone.
• good hair days.
• randomly remembering something that makes you smile.
• meeting new people.
• being home alone.
• wearing your favorite outfit.
• learning new words.
• new clothes.
• falling in love with a song and never getting tired of it.
• timeless inside jokes.
• curly hair.
• people with beautiful eyes.
• one on one conversations.
• good listeners.
• laughing till you cry.
• talking to someone you trust.
• looking at old pictures.
• when your favorite show is on.

passion.

I've always loved people who have this passion for life. Passion is passion. It's the excitement between the tedious spaces, and it doesn't matter where it's directed. It can be coins or sports or politics or horses or music or faith... The saddest people I've met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there's nothing to make it last. I'd love to hear your dad talk about coins, because that is when you see a person at his best, and I've found that someone else's happiness is truly infectious.

it seems like we are all living in some kind of prison and the crime is how much we hate ourselves.



you are given one life. one body. will you waste your life trapped in the prison of your lack of self worth?

live your life. you were fearfully and wonderfully made.

If His grace is an ocean, I'm drowning.

You know when you are walking through a dark room, grabbing on to anything to keep yourself from falling? I have almost always tripped and fallen by the time I have reached the light switch, then you turn on the light and it's this overwhelming sense of awareness, it hurts your eyes, it takes you a minute to gain composure. Last night was like that, but emotionally. I have been walking around with my eyes and ears closed, too stubborn to open them. I have been grabbing on to everything possible to keep from falling, crying out for help and wondering why I hear nothing. Having fallen a few times, it surprised me, that sudden sense of awareness. He spoke to me through a friend, through a casual conversation. It was overwhelming, painful, thinking about how much I have ignored God as He called out to me. Now that some of the pain is gone, I feel so strong knowing that He will lead me through the dark, He will be a lamp to my feet. I have known that for as long as I can remember, but I think I was so blinded by my own selfish desires that without realizing it, I turned my back, I closed my eyes and covered my ears. I would have denied it, but deep down I was shutting Him out, refusing His help. Then I tripped and fell.

The thing that amazes my the most about all of this is that even though it breaks His heart for me to refuse Him, it brings Him joy to see me running back to Him. I continue to shut out His voice, but no matter what, He will never stop calling.

Like seeing a bright light after darkness, God's love has once again hut me hard and all I can do is praise and wonder what I did to deserve this kind of love, even though I already know the answer...

nothing.

if His grace is an ocean, I'm drowning.

the world is spinning 'round
there's no sign of slowing down
so darling, don't forget to take a breath.

Empty fields move me so much more then rooms filled up with friends. The way the trees look dead remind me that there’s more to life then living, and maybe giving up’s not bad, but part of letting go of you…

a letter to me-21012

if 2012 is anything like the year before, there will be a lot of change. I hope you keep calm, be still and let the Lord fight for you. You will probably make friends and lose friends, these relationships and these feelings are so temporary. I hope you never lose sight of Him, or forget that you are never truly alone. I hope you rejoice in being broken and always look to Him to fix you. I hope you continue learning the art of being selfless. I hope you never lose sight of what you are passionate about and continue to use that passion to glorify God. I hope you laugh and cry, leave your comfort zone behind and find things that make you feel. I hope you are vulnerable, but strong. I hope you are trusting, but still wise. I hope you can be confident and not self concious. I hope you love without fear, taken risks and find out who to trust. Always be kinder than necessary for eveyone is fighting a battle of their own - I hope you never forget that.

Be strong and courageous, you are more than a conquerer and you are dead to sin. I hope you find yourself.

-sweetly broken, wholly surrendered. 8/21/2011

Day three hundred and nine~surrender.

Stop worrying about tomorrow. stop worrying about today. stop worrying about what they will think.

surrender. surrender yourself, your emotions. surrender your pride and your fears.

all to Him. He will bring you comfort, He will bring you hope and joy. just surrender it all. give your life to Him.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:33-34

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

i will be.

-caring
-understanding
-passionate
-honest
-calm
-loyal
-dedicated
-trusting
-patient
-loving
-mature
-strong
-forgiving
-selfless
-giving
-compassionate
-merciful
-supportive.

he will be.

-christian
-honest
-loyal
-trustworthy
-mature
-intelligant
-thougtful
-caring
-respectful
-somewhat outgoing
-sincere
-understanding
-witty
-patient
-fun
-sarcastic
-strong [emotionally]
-a best friend
-passionate
-driven
-funny
-spontaneous
-forgiving
-interested in my photography
-genuine
-laid back
-hard working
-good leader
-calm
-creative
-high standards
-selfless
-independant
-good taste in music
-compassionate
-supportive
-giving

Want a change of perspective?

One that isn't about you, that you have a small house, an old car or that you don't have the newest iphone.

Imagine having everything and then having hurricane Katrina hit your lovely city. You lose it all. You are now living under a bridge.

I was talking to a man who runs a place where homeless people with mental disorders can have a place to stay, and he said that people who live under the bridge are given very few things to live off of, I don't remember most of the things he listed, but one was a cardboard box to use as a pillow or to protect them from rain. There were so many people under that bridge, sleeping on the concrete, laying on nothing but a piece of cardboard.

After seeing that, I stopped complaining about the cot I was sleeping in for the week. I stopped complaining about the loud air conditioner in our room, and I stopped complaining about our showers being in tents outside. (don't ask, it's hard to explain.)

Everyone always talks about how we take the things we have for granted, I don't know about you, but I tend to kind of ignore the people that say stuff like "your lucky to have a roof over your head" or "don't complain about your food, there are starving kids out there." I guess we will never understand how good we have it until we see with our own eyes the people just like you and I who had it all... then lost it all.

I was talking to this homeless man I saw on a bench at the riverwalk, he was quite drunk and about half of what he said made no sense at all.  He knew so much scripture. We talked to him for about an hour and one of the things he said to me that stood out was "I'm blessed. I woke up this morning. I'm blessed."

Thank God for the things you have. for life. for this beautiful world He has created for us. Don't take it for granted.

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
exodus 14:14

be still.

for the next few days my blog will be flooded with stories and things I learned from this week.

consider yourself warned.

I need you so much closer.

I feel you so much closer.

Day two hundred and ninety six.

I am leaving for my mission trip to New Orleans tomorrow. I just got back from the park with Lauren (my 3 year old sister), she is not happy that I am leaving. I made her pinky promise that she would still love me even when I go away. I'm going to miss that kid.

I hope you all have a good week.

don't forget about me?

no one can.

"I just need to know that you're not going to wake up one day and feel...different"

"I can't give you that, no one can."

People change and promises are broken. life moves on.

*self-reminder."

This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am, but more importantly, all that I am not

most people won't.

and then i wake up.

"you know I dream sometimes about flying. it starts out like I'm running really really fast, I'm like superhuman. then the terrain starts to get really rocky and steep. I'm running so fast that my feet aren't even touching the ground, I'm floating. and it's like this amazing, amazing realness. I'm free. I'm safe. Then I realize... I'm completely alone.

and then I wake up.

-Summer Finn, (500) days of Summer.

I think every person can relate to this movie in some way. I know I can.

Day two hundred and ninety three.

So, I think I actually like this... but I don't know. My hand looks weird in the first one. But I have some good news!!


My 50mm 1.8 lens came today! My remote should be coming soon.

Aslo, I have been tagged like a billion times since I last did a tag, so I guess I will write some things.

1. I named my cameras today. Their names are Lafayette, Rupert, and Frederick.

2. I am completely in love with Adam Levine. he is so attractive.

3. I am starting to feel like my blog is pointless, no one reads or cares.

4. I am leaving for New Orleans on sunday!! I am so excited.

5. I have never read a single Harry Potter book or seen any of the movies. *gasp*

6. I think it is so attractive when guys wear v-necks. I just love it.

7. I have a really horrible laugh. It is dumb and annoying. kjhadskjf.

8. One day I will be living in Italy. I don't know what job I will have or if I will be married, I just want to be out of here.

9. Recently I have been saying the words peculiar, plethora, and nonchalant a lot. I love those words.

10. I could probably eat at chickfila every day of my life and by perfectly happy.

feeling pretty invisible.

worthless.

save me.

how I long to feel You here with me.