-- Well, you're an artist and artists feel things differently than regular people. Look at Patsy Cline or Billie Holiday. You can hear it in their voice. Or, Vincent van Gogh. Cut off his ear, but hey, he could paint.



-Vincent van Gogh killed himself.


-- That's right. That's a bad example. What do you want? I guess... what I'm trying to say is, artists convey emotion. They make an audience feel what they're feeling.

Love.

Peppermint Patty: What do you think love is, Chuck?
Charlie Brown: Well, years ago, my dad owned a black 1934 two-door sedan.
Peppermint Patty: What's that got to do with love?
Charlie Brown: Well, this is what he told me: there was this really cute girl, see? She used to go for rides with him in his car. And whenever he'd call for her, he would always hold open the car door for her. After she got in and he had closed the door, he'd walk around the back of the car to the driver's side, but before he could get there, she would reach over and press the button, locking him out. Then she'd just sit there and wrinkle her nose and grin at him. That's what I think love is.

"If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
Love never fails."


1 corinthians 13

I could probably rant about this forever like I did to one of my friends a few days ago, but I think I'll just let the words speak for themselves.

Day three hundred and sixty five.

I have been seriously neglecting my blog recently, I will try to get back in the habit of posting. But here it is:

Day three hundred and sixty five. yikes.

I have been trying to plan out what I am going to write here for days, it seems impossible to find the words. When I started this project last year I knew nothing about photography and I had no idea what I was signing myself up for. I realized that this wasn't just a fun little project, but something that would not only challenge me and teach me, but something I would fall in love with. I can't tell you how much I have learned and how I have grown throughout the year, in photography and in life. Cheesy right? (it's day 365, I can be cheesy if I want) I don't know where I would be without photography, or where I could be without so many people consistantly encouraging and inspiring me even on my bad days. To everyone who has ever viewed, commented, favorited, or flickrmailed me, thank you so much. I don't know if I would have finished this project without your constant encouragement. This year has been crazy, I can't even find the words to make you understand. I have learned so much, but I am still learning and I am still growing. You're not rid of me yet, this is just the beginining. Again, thank you all for the encouragement and inspiration. You are all amazing.

I'm fine.

inhale.
exhale.
repeat.

time passes,
people change,
and hearts are broken.

life moves on.

I have nothing insightful or encouraging to say. just complaints. so feel free to skip through this and move on with your life.

I know God has a plan for me and I know that it is bigger and better than anything I could plan. but my one problem with His plan is that I can't seem to accept it. I am sure it's what is right but I'm like a child who just can't see past what she wants at that moment.

I want answers. I want to hear His voice, I want to feel Him with me guiding me through everything. there is purpose for the silence and there is a reason for all of it but for some reason knowing that is just not good enough for me. and realizing this makes me feel even worse, I am lost and broken and there is nothing I can do but be still and wait.

I'm trying. not too successfully, but I'm trying.

I know I am put in this place for a reason, but why? I found myself asking Him that today. why here? I want to escape. I feel trapped. I want out. but I can't. not for a long time.

I'm surviving. this life is not about me.

I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines